It's a New Year and here are the new rules for 2007

[djalbin]

It's a New Year and here are the new rules for 2007 ...

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a
reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't
particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the
football team is doing these days . . . mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless
you're a seagull

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot,
blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards,
you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols.
If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care
about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle
of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste.
Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored
water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored
water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a
redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top
is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it,
his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved
the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the
*sshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande
half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread
cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one
NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge *sshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my
card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount,
deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing Enter" again, the kid
who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond
Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't
make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it
translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything
spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not
spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly
sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating,
because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned
exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already
doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rul e: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy,
old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a
remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for
weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.
After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just
had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be
there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web
cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in
months. It's "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a
cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that
pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or
tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your
future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?

[MsHap]

lol

[BadAzzFZR93]

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that
pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or
tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your
future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?


I'll have you know that I graduated from high School, then 2 years of technical training and currently make 70k a year as an automotive technician and have a full sleeve on the left, 3 on my right and 1 on my back. I get so tired of people assuming that they can judge a person by their looks. "The only difference between a person with tattooes and a person without is the tattooed person doesn't care if your tattooed or not"

[FZRDude]

I don't have any tats, never will, but think they are cool as hell if the right artist is doing it.

[HptK]

I don't have any tats, never will, but think they are cool as hell if the right artist is doing it.

thats it. some people look like their kids got the tattoo gun and went crazy. i have to respect people who have enough balls to get sleeves. a few of my mates do, and they hold down good jobs.

i have my tongue and my lip peirced, and you are never gonna catch me working at mcdonalds. my principal at high school told me i would never do well based on the fact that i had said peircings. i bet he didnt own 2 cars, a motorbike and his own house at the age of 22 did he?
he can have a banana

[djalbin]

Some rules were meant to be broken ... tattoos? Just ask the Scary Guy.

He lives here in Tucson, AZ.

"With 85 percent of his body covered in tattoos, Earl Kenneth Kaufmann recently petitioned an Arizona court to have his name legally changed to The Scary Guy. In February, a judge granted the Tucson tattoo shop owner's application, and The Scary Guy was born."

http://www.thescaryguy.com/