If you trailered your bike to Daytona for Bike Week, and you live in Orlando.
If you think Valentino Rossi is an Italian red wine.
If you think "Deals Gap" is a trendy, discount clothing store.
If the amount of money you've spent on chrome or Carbon Fiber is more than your odometer reading.
If your Sunglasses cost more than your Helmet.
If you've ever uttered the phrase "If an American company started building Sportbikes, I'd buy one." (Caution: saying this in the presence of a Buell rider could earn you a black eye.)
If you've never seen Faster or On Any Sunday.
If your helmet spends more time on your passenger saddle then on your head.
If you wear a T-shirt, jean shorts, and flip-flops when you ride because you "...don't plan on getting in an accident anyway."
If your first bike was a Ducati.
If you install a Jardine pipe on your bike and figure that's good for "another 10-12mph on the top end".
If you've never ridden in the rain.
If you remove the mirrors from your street bike to make it more aerodynamic.
If you think Mick Doohan is the name of "that Crocodile Hunter".
If you've ever traded in your sportbike for a jetski or snowmobile.
If you loved the movie Biker Boyz because it was "so realistic!"
If you've replaced the back tire on your bike three times and the original front tire still looks brand new.
If you honestly believe you were going 180mph on your '92 CBR600 because you "had the speedometer buried".
If the longest trip you've ever taken on your bike was to your girlfriend's house across town.
If you've ever used a belt sander on your footpegs to give the impression that they touch the road when you take corners.
If you've ever purchased a bike strictly because you read about it in Cycle World magazine.
If you actually believe that a slightly modified RC-51 will do 202mph.
If you spent weeks doing exhaustive research before deciding to buy the R1 instead of the ZX10, but you still haven't taken the time to get your motorcycle license.
If you've ever removed you chicken strips with sandpaper
And last but not least ..
If you're standing around listening to a group of motorcyclists talk about "the King" and you think to yourself "I didn't know Elvis raced motorcycles."
Signs That You're NOT a Squid.
If you rode your bike to Daytona for Bike Week, and you live in Seattle.
If you've ever attended the Isle of Mann TT. (Note: you get quadruple points if you've ever ridden in it.)
If you get your knee down riding to the store for a loaf of bread.
If you think Steve McQueen was a motorcycle racer who "...did a little acting on the side."
If you've been to over a dozen track days and still never gotten your bike up to it's top speed.
If you own a motorcycle...in Alaska.
If you've ever had to replace the knee pucks on your leathers.
If you named your kids Valentino, Rainey, Ago, and Hailwood.
If you've ever seen a Joey Dunlop interview...and you understood every word that came out of his mouth.
If your sportbike has some of it's plastic missing and you ride it anyway.
If you've ever ridden a motorcycle with a broken leg.
If you've ever asked Earl Hayden to adopt you.
If Dave Despain has you on his speed dial.
If the smell of leather gives you a chubby.
If you can tell which brand of tires a bike has on it without reading the sidewalls.
If you know where every motorcycle dealership within a 100 mile radius is, but you can't locate the nearest grocery store.
If your bike has an alarm system, but your car doesn't.
If you own a copy of Faster or On Any Sunday.
If the parts guy at your local dealership delivers to your house.
If you've ever ridden a motorcycle to a funeral.
If you find yourself adjusting the suspension settings on your bike because the road you're on changed from concrete to asphalt.
If your wife asks you how your ride was and out of habit you say "It was great. I'd like to thank my crew, HRC, Dunlop Tires, Joe Rocket leathers..."
More SQUID characteristics ... You might be a SQUID if:
You constantly "throttle tune" your bike at every red light
You have any fake animal fur (zebra, leopard, etc.) covering the plastic on your bike
"You ride around with your full face helmet stuck on top of your head in such a way that the chin bar is resting squarely above your eyebrows."
You ride in sandals
You bad mouth all "other" brands of bikes (and have never ridden them)
You tell anyone you have gone 160 on the street
Your "racing" jacket is from Wal-Mart.
You think Arai is Jamaican for OK
You don't have a clue what a Buell is
You bought a Sport bike and put saddlebags and a sissy bar on it so you can go to Sturgis.
You keep fouling plugs riding with the choke on
You have Harley stickers on your car and ride a Rebel
Your Mom and Dad won't ride with you
There is a crack in your helmet
You helmet is the wrong size
You ride with ANY safety features on your bike not working
You have a cup holder duct taped to your handlebars.
You have a fuel injected bike with DynoJet / Factory Jet kit sticker
You install race compound tires yet most of your rides consist of 10 minute jaunts across town in gridlock.
You grind down the feelers under the foot pegs with a bench grinder so people will think you can REALLY corner.
You're 100 lbs. overweight and complain that your bike just can't seem to hold that inside line.
You drive out of state to ride someplace where helmet laws aren't enforced.
Your rear sprocket closely resembles a radial saw blade.
Your brakes let out a spine tingling squeal every time you come to a stop at an intersection
You have all of your "sponsors" decals on your bike and patches on your leathers.
You've just installed a full titanium exhaust, racing cams, ported & polished the cylinder head, and K&N air filter on you new GSXR-1000, but for the life of you can't figure what happened to the choke knob on the dash.
You study those wacky British street bike magazines for articles on how to do stoppies, burnouts and wheelies. Yet the shop manual for your bike is still yet to be opened.
You installed a dry brake system on your gas tank because Team Yoshimura Suzuki used one at Daytona.
You don't use an O-ring chain.
You wear leathers with your name and number across the back, except you're not a racer.
Your helmet has a well known cartoon character on it.
You ever parked your bike on asphalt on a hot summer day and the kickstand dug into the soft pavement causing your bike to fall over.
Your helmet looks like standard issue for the 3rd Reich.
Your safety gear in the summer consists of a tank top, shorts and tennis shoes.
If you ever removed the gas cap bolts to reduce weight.
You ride wearing cut-offs, sandals, and a mesh tank top.
You saw the SQUID movie "Biker Boyz." Twice.
You have any "NO FEAR" decals on your motorcycle.
You think that a wheelie is the mark of a skilled rider.
You ride around with your $500 SHOEI bungie netted to your rear seat.
You drag your brand new $300 AGV boots in order to simulate years of hard cornering use just so you can brag about your 'years' of hard cornering use.
Your idea of head protection is a do-rag bandanna and a pair of Oakley Blades.
You think that burnouts impress the chicks.
If you ever high sided a passenger.
You're only riding your CBR600F2 until you get your Harley put back together.
You never get your bike out of second gear in the city.
Your rear brake pads aren't even scuffed.
You ever installed a fender eliminator kit.
You thought about putting a sidecar on your GSX-R.
You ride a Suzuki Katana (any size, the bigger the SQUIDer)
You've ever low sided a dealer demo unit that was parked inside a showroom.
Your friends won't ride with you anymore.
You brag about your many wrecks.
You don't know what a SQUID is.
You ever high-sided from a intentional stoppie.
Everytime you get a new scratch on your fairing, you get a new decal to cover it up.
YOU think that you're cool.
You ever fell off while doing a wheelie.
You had your nickname painted, taped, or etched anywhere on your helmet, leathers, or bike.
Only you know what your personalized tag means.
Your insurance agent refuses to return your phone calls.
You stand up on your pegs while riding.
You ever bought any dress-up items for your bike from J.C. Whitney & Co.
You tailgate ANYONE!
Your chain ever rusted to the point of having to be replaced.
You ever raced a scooter with your sportbike ... and LOST!
You wear a cheap helmet.
You drilled holes in your fairing to try to reduce weight or increase handling.
You polished your frame.
Your street bike is safety wired.
You've got a K&N decal, but not the filter.
You ever tried to make your bike backfire.
You ever snapped off a foot peg by standing on it.
You run stop signs out of habit.
You have colored bar end weights, hand grips, or engine case bolts.
You believe EVERYTHING that you read in motorcycle magazines.
You wheelie between lights in traffic to impress car and truck drivers.
You've ever knocked your bike over by leaning up against it when it was parked.
You swear that your factory stock Seca II will do 160mph on the top end.
You ever wrecked while trying to impress chicks.
You consider rolling stops to be perfectly legal.
You never broke in your new bike's engine properly.
You ride a sportbike and wear a half helmet with flight goggles.
Your new colored windscreen matches your Oakely Blades perfectly.
You've ever high-sided in your own driveway.
You ever tried to do something on the street that you saw in a TV action series.
You ever let someone patch your performance radial tire with a plug.
Your rear tire is bald in the center but still has lots of tread on each side.
Your street bike has a wheelie bar.
You let anyone who doesn't have a motorcycle of their own ride yours.
More than half of your bike's original plastic has been replaced by carbon fiber parts.
You own a carbon fiber keyfob.
Your knee pucks have comical faces.
You're riding a sportbike but only until you get your Harley out of the shop.
You high rev your cold engine after cranking.
You ride without insurance or a license endorsement.
You only race against smaller displacement bikes.
You've ever bought cheap tires.
You rev your engine to impress others.
You let complete strangers ride your bike.
You ever split lanes with traffic where it wasn't legal to do so.
You think carbon fiber is IT!
You've never oil your chain.
You're still using the factory pre-set suspension settings.
Your bike alarm makes annoying sounds when activated.
You constantly open and close your throttle at a stop light just to see the tach needle jump.
You paid someone $400 to airbrush your $175 helmet.
Your bike alarm talks.
You like to demonstrate your annoying bike alarm every chance you get.
You ever took off so quick that your passenger rolled off the back!
You NEVER look over your shoulder when you change lanes.
You've ever left your bike running while you went into a convenience store and it was gone when you came back out.
You think neon is cool.
You don't know HOW to adjust your adjustable suspension.
You carry a color matched wheel or disc lock but never use it!
You use cheap gas ( 90 octane or weaker).
You replace your clutch once a year.
Your sportbike has a cruise control.
You don't use turn signals in traffic.
You pin-striped your sportbike.
You Armor-All™ your tires before riding.
Your bike has more than two mirrors.
You've ever drained your battery due to Neon overload.
You buy cheap tires in order to have enough money to buy a new Shoei helmet.
You sent your wheels off to get chromed.
You rode fast in a hard rain.
You removed your mirrors to lower drag and try to increase top speed.
You have a little air foil spoiler on the rear of your bike.
You cover your bike in aftermarket parts decals but don't own any of the parts!
You put additional reflectors on your bike.
You ever mounted auxiliary driving lights on your front fork.
You use cheap oil.
You ever had an accident because you were checking your image in the side view mirrors.
You don't acknowledge other riders when they wave or nod.
You use fuel additives or octane boosters in your street bike.
You ever woke up in the hospital after doing something that you thought would impress people.
You've ever had to have emergency surgery to remove a aftermarket accessory that you installed on your sportbike.
Chicks won't ride with you.
You thread traffic to impress people!
You run at highway speeds on city streets.
You admire yourself in shop windows when you ride by on the street.
You ever had an accident because your bungie net load shifted on you.
Your license plate has a frame with a humorous message engraved on it.
You ride around with screwdrivers or other sharp objects in your back pockets.
Your bike is plastered with aftermarket decal conversion kits. (Troy Lee Designs).
You walk around the mall in full race leathers.
When you ride with others, YOU always have to be in front.
Any of your personal bike experiences are merely products of your imagination.
You ever repainted your bike an annoying color.
You really want other riders to like you and your bike.
Sitting on the tank while riding on the freeway in heavy traffic.
Sitting on your bike with the kickstand down at the stoplight.
Constantly looking around all over at the stoplight to see if you are getting the huge attention you ride for.
Don
