Jokes Here II

Nbot · Post by **Nbot** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 3:28 pm

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 1 to move it to the Lighting section 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 5 to flame the spell checkers 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp" 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too" 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs" 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again. Nbot '94 Fizzer Litre This is your sig on drugs....

Post by **FZRDude** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 3:33 pm

Me too.... <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ...  There are some who call me........Tim? Top Speed = Mach 0.197 or so...  1994 FZR 1000 <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ...

orionburn · Post by **orionburn** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 4:54 pm

Shouldn't this be in the tech section? <img src=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ... y_post.gif ALT=":funny"> Nate - 87 FZR1000 <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v485/ ...  Have you seen my fairing? Who cares...I got new ones!!!

dragracer1951 · Post by **dragracer1951** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 5:15 pm

That's not how ya spell Tach ya dummy.... Sheesh... Jim <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ... Cheers.gif" style="border:0;"/> <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ... states.gif" style="border:0;"/> Hey Kid...Is my taillight working?

orionburn · Post by **orionburn** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 7:57 pm

You ever re-read some of your posts? You ARE the reason they invented spell check you asshat <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/roll.gif ALT=":rollin"> Nate - 87 FZR1000 <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v485/ ...  Have you seen my fairing? Who cares...I got new ones!!!

dragracer1951 · Post by **dragracer1951** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:05 pm

What's spellin got ta do with goin fast ya little twerp??? <img src=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ... e_poke.gif ALT=":poke"> Jim <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ... Cheers.gif" style="border:0;"/> <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ... states.gif" style="border:0;"/> Hey Kid...Is my taillight working?

Post by **FZRDude** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:13 pm

Isn't that supposed to be "Jokes Here Too" As in too: meaning also. <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ...  There are some who call me........Tim? Top Speed = Mach 0.197 or so...  1994 FZR 1000 <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ...

akirasan · Post by **akirasan** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:33 pm

kAN NON OV YOOS SPEL PROPPER ?? This is not a Hodna(?) site you know <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/roll.gif ALT=":rollin"> <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/roll.gif ALT=":rollin"> <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/roll.gif ALT=":rollin">

Post by **FZRDude** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:58 pm

This could end up being the new "... Posts Last" thread. But the post has been made just to let everyone know. <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ...  There are some who call me........Tim? Top Speed = Mach 0.197 or so...  1994 FZR 1000 <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ...

mintclint · Post by **mintclint** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 8:05 am

Whats a "light bulb"? <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/eyes.gif ALT=":rolleyes"> Clint. '87 FZR1000T gen·e·sis (jen-i-sis)n. pl.:The coming into being of something; the origin.

Nbot · Post by **Nbot** » Wed Jun 22, 2005 8:51 am

Why I Fired my Secretary Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say,"Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me.As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any "Happy Birthday". I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember. The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss, Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday,let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" We went to lunch, we didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.On the way back to the office, she said,"You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not."She said, "Let's go to my apartment."After arriving at her apartment she said,"Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom." "Sure!" I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday! And I just sat there... on the couch... naked. Nbot '94 Fizzer Litre This is your sig on drugs....

orionburn · Post by **orionburn** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:25 pm

LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOLS MATH TEST NAME ______________________________ GANG NAME________________________________ FATHER'S NAME (if known) ___________________________ 1. Ramón has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramón attempt before he has to reload? 2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, What is the street value of the rest of his hold? 3. Rufus pimps 3 hoes. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each hoe turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit? 4. Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make a 20% profit. How many ounces will he need? 5. Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he have to steal to have $900? 6. Raul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra credit bonus: How much more time will he get for killing the hoe that spent his money? 7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over? 8. Tyrone knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up? 9. Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the Boa on one week's income? 10. Billy steals Joe's skateboard. As Billy skates away at 15 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked? Nate - 87 FZR1000 <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v485/ ...  Have you seen my fairing? Who cares...I got new ones!!!Edited by: <A HREF=http://p072.ezboard.com/bexupbrotherhoo ... ionburn</A> <IMG HEIGHT=10 WIDTH=10 SRC="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v485/ ... ndiana.gif" BORDER=0> at: 7/18/05 7:27 pm

ExupElvis · Post by **ExupElvis** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 11:31 am

Oh, that is bad Natey, did I mention I'm an Angelino? Wooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd......................Up, <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ALT=":lol"> Genisx1AtYahooeyDotCommaMomma

orionburn · Post by **orionburn** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 11:17 am

If you're going to use a half naked girl to model your Ebay items, get her to do something with her hair first before you take the picture <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/roll.gif ALT=":rollin"> <a href="http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Ultimate ... otohosting" target="top">Cheesebay</a> Nate - 87 FZR1000 <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v485/ ...  Have you seen my fairing? Who cares...I got new ones!!!

exupturbo · Post by **exupturbo** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 3:36 pm

A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for an inflatable doll. "Would you like male of female?" "Female, please." "Would you like Black, or White?" "White, please." "Would you like Christian or Muslim?" This question confused the man . . . and he replied, "What has the religion got to do with it? It's an inflatable doll!" "Well," explained the assistant, "The Muslim one blows itself up! <img src=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ... ananna.gif ALT=":banana"> <img src=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ... ananna.gif ALT=":banana"> <img src=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ... ananna.gif ALT=":banana"> Mark

Post by **FZRDude** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 4:39 pm

<img src=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ... y_post.gif ALT=":funny"> <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ...  There are some who call me........Tim? Top Speed = Mach 0.197 or so...  1994 FZR 1000 <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/ ...

gatecrasha · Post by **gatecrasha** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 6:17 pm

the worlds stupidest limbo dancer goes walking into a bar.. you really gotta work it out<img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/roll.gif ALT=":rollin"> steve <a href="http://phpbb-host.com/phpbb/index.php?m ... HAZ-custom M/C's</a>Edited by: <A HREF=http://p072.ezboard.com/bexupbrotherhoo ... ecrasha</A> at: 8/9/05 4:19 pm

djalbin · Post by **djalbin** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 7:28 pm

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual." 7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 10 . I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 11 . A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" 12 . I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. 13 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 14 . Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?" BUT WAIT -- THERE'S MORE!! Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!". 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did Edited by: <A HREF=http://p072.ezboard.com/bexupbrotherhoo ... djalbin</A> at: 8/9/05 5:30 pm

djalbin · Post by **djalbin** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 7:32 pm

Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe shop in Baghdad, chatting over a pint of warm goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He’s 24 years old.” "Yes, I remember him as a baby” says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though” mum confides “a suicide bomber.” "Oh, so sad dear” says the other. "And this is my second son Khalid. He’s 21.” "Oh, I remember him,” says the other happily, “he had such curly hair when he was born.” "He’s a martyr too” says mum quietly. “a car bomber.” "Oh gracious me”, says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.” He’s 18”, she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, “I remember when he first started school.” "He’s a martyr also,” says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says… "They blow up so fast, don't they?”

djalbin · Post by **djalbin** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 7:34 pm

Two couples were playing cards when John accidentally drops some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that his buddies wife wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admitted that, well, yes, he did. She said, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, John says that he's interested. She tells him that since her hubby works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, that he should come to her house around 2:00 pm on Friday. Friday comes and John goes to her house at 2:00 pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex and then John left. When her hubby Bill comes home He ask's his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?" Now she thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes... he did give me $100." "Good," says Bill. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."

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Corny jokes and puns

They grow up so fast ...

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